Recently I was blessed with a great opportunity, and one that almost had me pee my pants and pass out. MTV called me and said they needed a female gamer to co-host the CPL World Finals and would I be interested?  “But I don’t compete on PC”, I said with hesitant excitement as my mind began to race thinking about the opportunity as well as getting a free ticket to NY to see the game of all games.  “It’s ok,” was the reply, “we need a gamer and you’ll do fine.”

A week and a half later I find myself on an airplane headed to NY, and God only knew what I was getting myself into- a week of fun, excitement, fears, and glory.  I got into NY on the Thursday before CPL, as Ubisoft needed my presence to assist in a demo in Times Square on King Kong on Friday.  We had a great set up, and people could either play on 8 stations or sit in the “big boy” chair and play on the Jumbo Tron for all to see.  Soon after we started, apparently one of the guys didn’t think the MC was doing a very good job, and I got this impression by seeing the microphone dug from his hands and handed to me. Apparently they wanted the Valkyrie warcry to help attract and demand people to come over and play. I had a lot of fun with this and some of my online girlfriends where there to play and helped us cause a scene as we played around a lot.

So, I rested the rest of the weekend and the fear began to creep in on Sunday, the day before I would sit down with MTV to go over the show.  When I walked into their offices and sat down at a huge conference table with all the big wigs from the show, I thought that was the most nervous I could get (it wasn’t).  We went over the script and how the show would go down, and I could feel everyone in the room sizing me up wondering how I would do since I had never before co-hosted or lead any type of show.  You would think by how load and outspoken I am that I would be completely comfortable in this type of situation, but what most people don’t realize is I always get freaked out before any type of public event in which I will have more then a few people’s attention, and this was even worse because it was being filmed live and no room for mess ups.

The next day we meet at the event center and go through rehearsals. When my first part came up I swear to you on my life my leg started shaking uncontrollably even though it was flat on the floor. My face felt hot and flushed and I knew I was beat red as I forced myself to make some commentary on the rivalries that exist among pro players, Voo and Fatal1ty in particular.  I got through it barely, and honestly thought for a moment to tell MTV I just couldn’t do it, but knew I had no choice and had to try to remain composed.  Rehearsals were a blur for the rest of it, and organized chaos settled in the air as the show proceeded to start.

Voo and Fatal1ty came out in a burst of lights and color as entertainment began to blend with one of the most important matches in CPL history. These guys were about to battle it out for $150,000 and Voo had the advantage on Fatal1ty as he had knocked him into the loser’s bracket the day before.  Everything went by so fast as I had people leading me to my next area, one after another and even in my confused mind I tried to focus on what was happening with the match. As I know Fatal1ty personally, I was of course rooting for him and I swear when he took that first round I was so happy it gave me a sense of calm finally. 

Then in what seems like a blink of an eye, the odds turn as Fatality beats Voo in the 3rd map making him the one with the advantage finally.  He was on fire and I know that the media and cameras everywhere had to affect Voo, who could not be as used to this type of exposure as Fatal1ty was.  Didn’t matter though, Fatal1ty wins the finals in a shut out match and everything is great… well not for me though.

In the end I had to present Voo with his Intel cup, and ask him what happened with the match and total his winnings. We never made it to that part in the rehearsals really, but I could have been more prepared and since I wasn’t, I became nervous again. Firstly, that damn cup was wobbly and I had to hold it with two hands, as well as use my microphone- not good.  Then I completely mess up Voo’s total winnings stating that the $120,000 that he one that day was the entire money that he won for the whole tour, which was wrong, wrong, wrong. Also, Voo was so upset that it affected me as well; I honestly wanted to hug him even though I had been rooting for Fatality.  Anyway, I did manage to get through and while I realize most people wouldn’t catch my error or my nervousness, I spent the next few days banging my head. I actually didn’t notice my error until I watched it all again on MTV Overdrive, and immediately went to the Fanatic site and posted an apology to Voo.

Well, at least it was over and in the end I am proud that I made myself do it.  I can’t really explain why I am so scared with this kind of media but I really am. I honestly don’t know if I will do something to that magnitude again as it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it- but who knows.  Everyone said I did well, and I know that I did better then a lot of people would but I also know that if I could relax I could do a whole lot better.  My favorite parts, and the ones where I was most comfortable, were interviewing the gamers, but unfortunately the middle shots during the match didn’t make the show.

Congratulations to my boy, Fatal1ty. I love ya and have so much respect for you that you could not even know. He is constantly attacked from jealous haters all the time, when that guy deserves nothing but the respect from every gamer out there- HE EARNED IT. I also want to congratulate Voo who proved on this tour that he is an amazing gamer as he won half of the tour stops around the world. My cowboy hat goes off to both.

In the end, a lot of gamers will criticize that the MTV and other mainstream media shouldn’t even be involved in gaming because us gamers like to knock stuff that we feel doesn’t accurately portray our passion, hobby, and culture.  However, in closing I would like to say that it is in my opinion that this kind of attention is critical for our future. Not only will it bring in new gamers and new talent, it will bring in more opportunities, more money, and more respect from the mainstream public for what we do. For who can give us crap for spending hours a day playing a game when there are gamers out there making more then most FAMILIES.  I say bring it all on and get us all opportunities to turn gaming into a career for the best possible future.