So lately I have been cursed by the tech Gods of the world as they attempt to assemble against me in this battle to stay connected online.  It seems they have not only forsaken my pleas to play my games in peace, but they have mounted a force to ravish and pillage all my little networks and toys.

The chain of events first began a few weeks ago when my dull blue router enemy choked its last breath and refused to radiate that green connection light I so desperately needed.  “Hmm,” I thought (not being new to routers going kaput), “another one bites the dust. Well at least I got to see the sun for a bit, as I quickly jumped in my car to go to that haven of goodness, Best Buy.  This time I stayed away from the blue devil that is Linksys, as I had a graveyard of the same box in different models. I thought I’d trick this device into never letting me down, as I planned on dipping deep into my wallet for a higher quality router (if quality is determined by price): a D-Link.

I rushed home with the glorious promise of having 1GB Ethernet, and what that would mean to my future gaming. The next few days were spent in my gaming haven as I sat in my pajamas and fulfilled my encompassing addiction. Then, low and behold, the demons came forward and “Poof!” my cable is out. I ran in chaos for the next couple of hours as I desperately tried resetting every device and connection I could, but nothing worked. I finally (yes I am dumb for not checking first) discovered it was not only my internet, but my cable television was also out, and I immediately pick up my phone to call the devil himself: my cable company.

Of course they gave me the normal story, We’re sorry, but there are problems in your neighborhood and we have techs currently working on this issue. We cannot give you a time that it will be back up, only that it they are doing every thing they can to get it up for you again… yada, yada, yada.” Do these people even have a CLUE what no cable internet or TV does to people like me? DO THEY? No they don’t, or they would know that I am a desperate woman literally going through withdrawals! If I dieed my death would be on their black hands!

After four hours of continuous torture , my TV started screaming at me in protest of the volume I had escalated it to in order to be informed of its resurrection. “OMG,” I screamed, as now I knew I would still be able to make my Black Wing Lair run with my guild. “I am saved!”

A day drifts by as I happily readjust to my uninterrupted gaming pleasure, until not even 36 hours after the last fiasco, my game shuts down and once again I am instructed that I can not connect. In a blurry of motion, I am once again checking everything around me to see if anything can get online, and what’s died on me now. It wasn’t long before I found the culprit--my cable modem itself. I was screaming in frustration, as I sat on the phone with the devil again. After a few hours of doing everything they told me--things I had already done BEFORE I even called them--they informed me that my modem must be replaced and they could come and do that in a couple of days. “Are you nuts?!” I ask, “I will be right down to pick up another one myself, noob.”

My excursion was as expected: A line the size of the Mississippi, cranky people holding broken modems, DVR’s, etc., and the ever frustrating angels of darkness sitting behind their little counters. An hour and a half later, I was beckoned to come forward. I quickly asked for my new modem and ran for my life when it was handed to me 5 minutes later (apparently the vaults of hell are deep and wide). I then made my way down the highway, anticipating with glee that I would soon be online again.

But I wasn’t in the clear. Apparently the tech gods had discovered my car was part electronic and decided to play another trick on me. My thermometer shot up and I knew I was in trouble. All the lights started blinking, screaming at me to turn the car off. I pulled to the side of the road and let tears of frustration stream down as the smoke from my engine billowed around me.

I called a tow truck on my cell phone, glancing wearily at the blinking low battery which managed to pull through and prove to be my last friend on earth. I then called a taxi and made my way home an hour later in sheer exhaustion.  When I walked through the door, I immediately plugged in my new modem to see if my prayers would be answered, or if anything else could possibly go wrong. It didn’t, and I was immediately greeted with my friendly Google homepage--at least for a day.

The following two days, once again, my cable modem went out. I was even more furious this time as I called the devil and screamed at him that I do not have a car to go pick up a new one, because it is in the shop from the LAST one I got. The devil decided to actually help me for once. They told me that I have a phone modem through their VoIP service, and if I would like I can plug into that until they can make it out. I thought blankly about the phone modem that I had never even inspected since they installed it, and quickly ran over to it to check the back for a port. “HALLELUJAH,” I screamed as I plugged into its sweet connection. Of course, I couldn’t get online right away and panic almost swelled in me again, but then they reset the modem and I was back online!

So this is my current state. I am plugged into my last hope until one of the devil’s minions comes and visits me tomorrow to see what is happening with my devices and connections and to bring me a new modem. I have some peace of mind, knowing now I have a back-up modem should this happen again, as that is at least one thing that will help. I know I am cursed, and I am waiting to see if this curse will be lifted or if the tech gods will continue to torture me. I haven’t even gone into how my Xbox is eating my discs, how my DVR is bugged and I only get half my screen to show, or how my second PC will not turn on. All of this has happened in the course of a few weeks. Even with all of this happening, these devils have not beat me down yet! I will survive I tell you! I will!