I had some friends over and we had a Wii party the way it should be done. That’s when I had a revelation about Nintendo’s nefarious intentions with these supposedly beneficial games to improve your brain. I will explain, and my logic is flawless.

So, there I was, having this Wii party. Good food, good wine, good company, and steep penalties for losing. We’re all pretty proud of our brains, so we chose to face off in Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree. And I’ve got a tip for all of you who think to challenge me at this game! I get better after a glass of wine or two. Even though I had never played it on Wii, my extensive experience with the DS version stood me in good stead. It didn’t take long before I was counting baskets, following cup tricks, and memorizing faces for later identification (to the police! - kidding).

Long story short: my brain is big!

And then… my big brain and I got to thinking… will zombies be able to sense my extra large, well-exercised brain? Will they come for me first?

That’s right, folks. I think Nintendo is in league with the zombies. Why else would they be trying to exercise our brains, if not to make them more delicious? We’re all so accustomed to knowing that corporations are inherently selfish, and yet we let Nintendo pull the wool over our eyes with their healthy games. They say it’s for us, but I know better. It’s for the zombies. Big Brain Academy? To make our brains large and juicy. Brain Age? To make them young and tender. Wii Fit? For when they’re finished with the brains!

I’m on to your tricks, Nintendo. My brain will not be fodder when you unleash the zombie hordes (err… do those come from the gaming platforms that encourage vegetative states?). I refuse to primp my brain for consumption. I rebel. I will sit on the couch and read the latest US! magazine or whatever those weekly celebrity tabloids are. You will not have me. I’m reading a survival guide.

- jinx

i’ll be there in the front seat yelling run the red light