In the course of my life I’ve met a lot of people with impeccable taste in movies; people who can speak knowledgably about some of the most significant films of our time.  While they do, I nod politely and stare over their shoulder and wish stuff would explode to a sweet soundtrack.

I won’t pretend I have impeccable taste in films.  Well, I will, actually.  But that’s because it is impeccable and those who watch films for introspection are missing the point entirely.  It’s about entertainment: explosions and big guns and physically implausible stunts.  I’m not above the occasional serious flick, but I can rarely bring myself to watch such films more than once.  Requiem for a Dream? Check.  Schindler’s List? Check.  Zoolander?  Only about a million times.

Some people like to be sad.  I like to laugh hysterically or boggle at ohmygoddidyouseethatblowup.  But do not confuse my enjoyment of the ludicrous for tolerance of the just plain ridiculous.  I was recently browsing through the newest offerings on Apple Trailers when I came across one of those just plain ridiculous movies.  The reason it deserves my scorn? Stay Alive has air controller courtesy of Frankie Muniz and awesome stats like, “There are 100 million gamers in America.  1 in 4 of them is addicted.” I like stupid things, but please don’t insult my intelligence.  Indulging in humor or sweet sweet action is not the same as giving myself a lobotomy, which the preview for this film attempted.  I could almost see myself begging the doctors in white to stab out my contempt, and could they please get my eyes too while I’m here?

Example of stupid done right?  Ultraviolet.  This is a movie I wouldn’t go to expecting to change my perception of life.  It doesn’t want to change my life.  I would go expecting to be entertained, and that’s what I know I’ll get when I sit down with my popcorn.  It’s the “good” brand of cheesy; the brand that doesn’t lecture me on how stupid I am.  I have haters for that.  They hit all the right points in that trailer.  Hot chick?  Roger that.  Explosions? I counted three.  Chase scenes?  Six.  Or maybe seven.  AND DID YOU SEE THAT SWORD? I MEAN COME ON!

More examples of movies with crazy awesome entertainment value?  Galaxy Quest, Shrek, Kill Bill, and Serenity (not to mention Firefly, but that’s not a movie, properly speaking).  I even had fun at The Pink Panther a few weeks ago.  It took weeks to convince me to tolerate seeing Syriana (which, by the way, left me feeling confused and not particularly entertained).

Tomorrow, after Frag Doll Friday, I’m going to see Ultraviolet.  I have to say, the trailer music just makes the movie look that much better.  I liked it so much I ended up putting it on my myspace profile.  And I sing it all the time.  I’m a terrible singer.

- jinx

laughing gas these hazmats