Staring danger in the face, your heart pumping at an incredible rate, beads of cold sweat dripping from your face; the heated perilous moment sends supernatural powers shooting through your body.  People tell stories of a mother suddenly having the ability to lift a car off her young child, a man out-running a dangerous cheetah in life-threatening terror or a woman jumping out a 15-story building and landing safely on the ground.  We all possess a second super-hero like identity with unnatural powers; waiting for the right moment to exhibit one’s paranormal skills can be greatly beneficial.

I have been fortunate in recognizing and now wielding my own newly-discovered super ability.  I stand before you ready to reveal my extraordinary skill to the world: I can make a little bit of mud materialize in the palm of my hand at any given moment.  Whenever I get mad, or super mad, at an offending foe I have something to hurl into his eyes while I make a blinding escape.  My new talent can be put to use doing much good.  I can’t resist a cleansing mud facial, or the endless hours of entertainment sculpting something beautiful and letting it dry into a dirt-hard masterpiece. There is no limit to how much I can make, but it sure takes a long time to make a pile big enough to sit on.  I usually just find a big rock or a tree stump if I need a place to sit. 

With great power comes great responsibility, so I feel it is important to carefully utilize the way in which I assist the mud-needy citizens of this town.  Just the other day I saw this poor, helpless lady sitting at a table in a book store.  The sun reflected off her oily face and blinded me as I walked past the non-fiction section.  I immediately sprang into action.  She desperately needed a mud facial to clear and shrink those obscenely large pores.  I created a handful of moist dirt and landed it on her face from across the room.  She chased me out of the book store and the owner came out to the parking lot and asked that I never return.  He said I should be happy he wasn’t charging me for the books I got mud on.  I think he was being kind of childish and the woman overreacted.  Some people are ungrateful, but that doesn’t mean I should just give up and stop using my super power for good and just causes. 

The world needs super power wielding heroes like us.  World, know that you are safe in my hands. Know that I will always be there when you need me.  Let us unite in revealing our powers!