I honestly don’t know what my problem is, but I get so emotional when it comes to me getting older.  I turned the BIG 25 on Tuesday!! … I’m holding up a lot better then previous years, well at least I think I am. I haven’t locked myself in a bathroom and cried like I did last year when I turned 24.  I worry about myself; if I’m this upset about turning mid 20’s how will I react to turning 30?  I’ve sat down and tried to analyze my issues with age and I think I came up with the answer. 

Ever since I was little I used age as a guideline for where I should be in life.  When I turn sixteen I looked forward to my driver’s license.  I associated eighteen with being able to go buy my first pack of cigarettes.  Twenty-one I became the legal age to drink.  But after twenty-one the anticipation to grow older stopped.  I remember trying to come up with good things that happen after twenty one and all I came up with was my car insurance going down at twenty five.  At that point I realized that I will be adult and life will get serious.  This conclusion scared the hell out of me!  I look at my friends lives from high school and a lot of them took the straight road after graduation and are very successful. As for me, I straight up got lost, which I do often.  Don’t get me wrong, don’t think I’m emo and hate my life.  I’m very content where I am right now, but when compared to a lot of people my age that followed this imaginary guideline to success, I wonder if I didn’t get “lost” so much, if I would be more accomplished? I’ve beat my brain up so many times thinking of the what if’s. ‘What if I did this, what if I did that, would I be happy, would I be more successful?  Who knows?  All I know is this year I’ve decided to change a part of me.  I’m going to stop focusing so much on small stuff like a number and just start enjoying life one day at a time.