In a two day time span, I managed to almost get myself killed twice.  The sad part isn’t the fact that I was going to die; it was how I was going to die. So embarrassing! Let me explain…

JB and I decided to walk our dog JJ to the park. Although we live in downtown Bellevue, there is only one major intersection that is extremely busy.  If I imagined my dog running into traffic, this would be the intersection that would most definitely kill him. It’s a scary thought and has been one of my fears for the longest time.  When we arrived at the intersection, JJ was very chill. He just sat next to me as we waited for the crosswalk.  Then, out of the blue (but in slow motion) I saw JJ pull back and then forward causing his collar to slide right off his neck. He jetted right into traffic.

Without hesitation, I leaped out and chased after him, screaming like a crazy person. JJ ended up making it across the busiest intersection without a scratch - impressive! I finally caught up and swooped him up.  My heart was going a million miles per hour. I turned around to see shocked faces all around the street, including JB’s.

When I actually sat down and thought about it, I could have totally gotten myself killed. I never once looked to see if a car was coming. My only thought was to get my dog. This was the least embarrassing out of the two ways I almost died this weekend. At least JB could’ve explained to others that his fiancée died doing something heroic.

The following day, I decided it was time to plant my garden. Before I could plant, I had to dig up this previous plant that was blocking my flower pattern. As I dug up the root, I noticed it was perfectly white. In fact, it looked darn right tasty. Before JB could stop me, I had bitten off a piece.  I figured if Survivor Man eats roots, then I could as well.  Boy, was I wrong!  IMMEDIATELY, the sides of my mouth started to burn.

I started panicking and ran into the restroom to flush my mouth.  As I was running, I could feel my throat starting to close up. I remember saying, “OMG, this is it - I’m going to die.” Every second that went by, the pain got worse.  Imagine if someone took a razor and shaved the insides of your mouth and along down your throat, then triple that pain.  I even started to pray to God out loud.  I remember asking Him to make it go away, that I didn’t want to be known as the girl that killed herself by eating a stupid root.

God ended up answering my prayer. He had JB googled Mr. Yuck in Bellevue (the poison control center).  The operator was a little dumbfounded as to why I chose to eat a root, but then quickly explained it was the plants way of telling me to leave it alone. Duh! I figured that part out on my own. He suggested I drink a lot of milk and suck on popsicles. Two hours later, I was back to new.

Can you imagine logging in to FragDolls.com to see a current thread entitled “Brookelyn Dies By Eating Root”? Talk about embarrassing. I can imagine myself telling God to send me back down just so I can die doing something stylish. Maybe fighting a tiger off an old lady? Or taking a bullet for someone. But a root...WOW!

Lessons Learned:
• Look both ways before you enter traffic (I must’ve missed that lesson in school);
• I’m not Survivor Man;
• I will never be Survivor Man; and lastly…
• Don’t eat roots!!